It's been a rough few weeks. I've started as a nanny for friends of the people I'm living with, and although it's only part-time, it's extreme hours when I am there, like 6am to 9:30 pm. So although on "paper" it might seem like I would have plenty of time to look for another job, I end up putting in over 40-45 hours a week with these little girls. While I look for something more permanent, and we both know that it is only temporary. It makes ends meet for the meantime while I look for something more permanent, and I have already made some connections with people where I would like to be working, so that is cool to see those things happening in the meantime, even if it's not as "quick" as I (or others) would like it. God is meeting my needs right now, and that is a testimony in and of itself that this move was the right decision. I know not having a "traditional" 8-5 with benefits makes some people nervous, and I am looking and applying, but it takes time, and my needs are being met in the meantime.
It's been amazing to move back to a city that was familiar and have things come back to my memory, especially when just a few months ago I couldn't remember my breakfast. LOVING that my long term memory is still working and the recall is there still, and my dad got my GPS to work again, so when I don't know where I'm going (which is daily), I can use it! I've returned to Common Ground Christian Church for several reasons, and God has shown up, mostly so far through the preaching and community that I'm finding there. I've needed both, even when I "say" I don't...
I was dating someone from Indianapolis and really started to lean on Danny in ways that weren't healthy for either of us right now, and won't go into the details since that's our business and not something for this blog. We broke up a few weeks after my arrival here, and all of the things that I had imagined or believed about us being together with my new start here were then shattered with his cold turkey cutoff. I've been able to connect with a few fantastic women, even before our break up, and seeing God speak through them and into my life through the chaos and pain, well, it's great. I've needed that so badly right now, but most of all, I need to sit in God's presence and see if He will say anything about why He brought me back to this place that was familiar for right now.
Maybe all of these things are happening in my life right now to make me direct myself and my posture to God's feet and presence and cling to him, because ultimately, He's the only who can do anything anyway. I've been really angry for a long time, and for good reason- I've had many reasons to be angry, but I'm realizing that they weren't God's FAULT but He allowed them to happen in my life so that I could be USED with others who are going through something similar, a hell on Earth, themselves. I get it now. I always said that I wanted to minster to this population... I just didn't know it was going to happen in MY LIFE first for it to happen (though it does make sense when you take a step back and look at it)!? So for Thanksgiving, I drove up to Michigan to see my family in Lansing, and had about a 4 hour drive both directions, and cried with Jesus both ways. These songs mean so much to me right now. The first song was one that I heard last week and sobbed to... gives a whole to meaning to "blessings". The second was one that God used in my life after the stroke, but has new meaning now too. Life in the now sometimes feels like Acid Rain. It hurts. It's incredibly fragile and painful. Daily. I am constantly asking WHY about the things that happen. Life is hard here, and it's not what I was used to in Colorado, which is both good and bad. But through it all, I'm going to keep seeking Him. From the outside and without faith, that might not make sense.... Through my tears, I will keep pressing in to see what He is doing, and maybe the why's... Call it my stubbornness, call it my refusal to give up without a fight, call it what you will, I want to look back on these first few months of living in Indianapolis and know that this is where I met with God, even when it wasn't easy. So I will continue to seek Him first, even through my tears. May they be an offering to Him, or as Erin says (my roommate)-- an offering of worship unto the Lord. So even when it isn't easy, may I strive to meet with you Lord.
Love,
Amy Christine
Laura Story. "Blessings"
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
Mercy Me. "Bring the Rain"
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray
Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
