Greater: by Mercy Me
Bring your tired
Bring your shame
Bring your guilt
Bring your pain
Don’t you know that’s not you’re name
You will always be much more to me
Every day I wrestle with the voices
That keep telling me I’m not right
But that’s alright
‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed
When others say I’ll never be enough
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
In the world
In the world
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
Bring your doubts
Bring your fears
Bring your hurt
Bring your tears
There’ll be no condemnation here
You are holy, righteous and redeemed
Every time I fall
There’ll be those who will call me
A mistake
Well that’s ok
There’ll be days I lose the battle
Grace says that it doesn’t matter
‘Cause the cross already won the war
He’s Greater
He’s Greater
I am learning to run freely
Understanding just how He sees me
And it makes me love Him more and more
He’s Greater
He’s Greater
I knew this song already, but it wasn't really until my beautiful friend Leilani said that this particular song was laid on her heart for me to hear it that I LISTENED. It was then that I really started to pay attention to the lyrics. Personally, the last several months have been rough. I moved across town, had my hours at work reduced but an extra day added (to officially seal the deal of ever again having a social life when normal people could hang out). Work became this hostile environment for me, instead of this place where I could see myself growing, thriving, giving. I also took two extra jobs to help make ends meet by moving in with a family to become their housekeeper and nanny again (same family I was with in graduate school). I then staffed with an incredible ministry again but it taxed all of my energy, and I left the weekend sapped and feeling 1000 things, but oddly alone. In short, it's been a CRAZY few months and roller coaster for me. Loneliness and doubts wage daily, and I'm fighting so many demons, seemingly alone, and fighting back the pit of despair again.
He's already won the war. HE'S ALREADY WON THE WAR. GRACE. Grace with myself, my short-comings, my doubts, my bad days, my pain, my "whoa is me" moments of self-pity, my discouragements... Grace with all that makes me human. Which I would love to just deny if I was being honest. But I'm hourly aware of just how much I fall SHORT. That used to make me angry because I WANT to be in control. Don't we all when we get honest? It's part of being HUMAN. This song is such a beautiful reminder to me to stop striving so hard. That the job has already been completed, and even on those harder days, He's already paid the price for me. {insert HUGE sigh of relief here}.
I've been asking a beautiful (but hard and dangerous) question lately: "God- HOW DO YOU SEE ME?" I used to be afraid of that, not wanting to know. Projecting my own images of what He would answer instead. It's refreshing to ask now and be met with very unexpected answers. He thinks I'm BEAUTIFUL. CREATIVE. INSIGHTFUL. HARD WORKING WHEN NO ONE ELSE NOTICES. Sigh. No judgement in those responses like I expected. Letting go of my shame. Of my fears. Of my bandages and baggage that I still carry and cling to out of comfort and habit. Let it go and receive something different. Obviously, this cycle hasn't been working for me, so I want something different instead. So it might mean something uncomfortable. Something unknown. But I can't grab for something new if I'm still holding on the the comfortable past because it's known. There is a lot I have to give up, but it's a beautiful trade. He wants my very fallen past and ways of not doing things right for HIS PERFECTION instead. I'm letting go and receiving something else instead. But it's an hourly choice, and He let's me decide. That's the beauty of Free Will. He waits for me to tell Him that I'm done trying in my own strength. But He has a much better plan instead!
Love,
Amy Christine
