This isn't NEW news, and I've known it for a long time, but I continued to have my mind blown in talking to people about the story of their own lives. Our stories have amazing high points of celebration, and often intense pains of disappointment. It's true for all of us, if only we would take the time listen to each other- we would find a lot more in common that often the alienation and lie that we are all alone in this. The devastation, the immense pain(s), the things unexpected that bombard our lives now and threaten to over take it... well, it is a lot to deal with. It turns out that being a medical anomaly, a walking miracle and sexual assault survivor allows you to meet some pretty amazing people. Seriously, the people I've encountered walking this road with similar circumstances absolutely blow me away. I would probably never have had contact with many of these amazing people who are now people I consider good friends, all because of some incredibly crappy events occurring in my own life.
My boyfriend now jokes when I tell him background to some of my friendships that "I don't have 'Normal' friends". I don't, I've never claimed that my friends are normal, and I'll admit that we have a special assignment & purpose to our lives now. But it also makes me incredibly proud of some of the friendships forged through the fire(s) of life and what we get to live out in strength on the other side of what has happened to us. We are not victims, we are now survivors. We are so much stronger than we were before, and what our perpetrators meagerly thought of us when it all happened. Many of my friends now have endured some pretty ridiculous traumas- shootings, rapes, death, abuse(s), divorce, infertility, abortions, medical roller coaster(s)... and often these people's stories are gravitated to my own depths. It's not how I view them at ALL, we are so much more than what has happened to us, but it does allow me to remember their brokenness when I see their ways that God loves them tenderly. There is a connection between two traumas survivors that cannot be easily explained. There is something about living out trauma that almost invites it from others, that it is OK to experience those depths and LIVE to tell of it after. It's now something that I welcome from others, and wish I had had more of it when I was going through the grueling months of PTSD, anguish, and loss. Those that offered it to me were literally the hands and feet of Jesus, and that can never be dismissed.
Honestly, there are many who cannot handle the stories that many of us who have endured such traumas often hold now. They would rather live in this fake polyanna world of unicorns and rainbows, and I've experienced too much of the spectrum of life to know that is not reality. Often, we don't know what to say, so in our awkwardness, we can say and offer nothing, which further alienates the person trying to learn how to cope with life again. Part of enduring some traumas myself has allowed me to have space in my life to deal with the heaviness & complicated grief that may accompany the coming days, weeks and months after someone else's trauma. I never WANTED to be a personal expert in traumas, but after living out a few, I can no longer shy away from the fact that I am still here for a purpose. Part of it now, I believe, is to encourage others that have lived through something similar and offer that safe place to just be loved. Not judged. Not shamed for what has happened to their lives now. None of us expect these "bad" things to happen, and yet, when they do, it catches us off guard in so many aspects. So the stories that accompany the hurt and grime is something that I now welcome, even with the heavy nature and weighty intensity that can sometimes feel as if its threatening to capsize our very souls. To my sisters and brothers who are dealing with those depths today, know that you have a fellow sojourner who can understand some of that pain. I have also come out on the other side knowing that God meets with us IN THAT PAIN. It doesn't scare Him like it terrifies us. He can see the other end when things feel crippling and hopeless. I had no idea that I would find God most when I came to the very end of myself and circumstances, and He has met me there in incredible ways. I refuse to live as a captor to fear any longer. Satan has no more time diverting me from my purpose, and I'm thankful that I intimately know the One who has the final word.
Love,
Amy Christine
