Allergies

A week and a half ago I had some intense blood panel work done to see what I might be allergic to. I know I probably won't entirely get rid of my headaches, but if I could solve some of them with what I'm eating, then I wanted to at least try. If in a few months, I wasn't feeling any better, then we could try something else. I wasn't prepared for my answers today though. If it was a tumor- I could have dealt with that. This... the jury is still out. TBD. Up until an hour ago, I thought it was much worse than it actually was until my beautiful roommate (quite possibly the smartest woman I know) was able to explain the results to me. Brittany, you are amazing. FYI. In case you weren't already aware. If you need reminding ever, just knock on my door =)

Turns out that I'm allergic to Gluten (which I went Gluten-Free about 3 weeks ago), wheat (seems to go hand-in-hand with the Gluten), eggs, corn, and cow's milk. My mind immediately jumped to all of the things I cannot have any longer, and mourned for the holiday season and all of the things I would have to give up. Today hasn't been a good day, mentally or emotionally, for those aspects, because I've been in "the end-zone" of the 'I'm never again going to be able to____" or "I can't afford this, by any means" There has been a lot of grief. A lot of "are you kidding me right now?" and asking "So, now what?"

I'm getting a lot better at asking God that last one. There has been a lot of crap that has been thrown my way in recent years. It feels like a really rotten deal when I look at it objectively, or through the world's eyes. One more thing to deal with and manage. I know life happens to all of us and I'm not alone in that, but with the depression; headaches; PTSD; living again in the tundra that is the Mid-west and it's gray skies, bugs, humidity; trying to find a more manageable occupation... today just felt like a low-blow to add on to what I'm already trying to manage on an extremely small budget by American standards. And as some very wise people have told me "No, it's not fair. But God must have some really amazing things that He's preparing for you in spite of these circumstances" So that's my prayer each day. God, open my eyes. Help me be thankful that I could have the blood panels done and know some of the reasons that I feel the way I do, and meet the needs I have, financially and will-power mainly, to make this work. He knows I'm very weak in both areas and I can't do this without Him.

Maybe that's another reason why He has enlightened me to my allergies to these things. I'm scared. Because it's going to mean a radical shift in the way that I've done things. I guess that's a good thing- to be rid of what's toxic inside of you and replace it with things that are beneficial. I'm just OVER being a guinea pig. I have to do part of the cleanse while fighting a yeast infection I have all over my body with homeopathic dropper medication that I have to buy online. My body is too sensitive to typical "Western" medications... I love my doctor, but some of the random things she has me do just make me want to scream. So starting Monday, my beautiful friend Amanda is going to start this cleanse and elimination diet with me. The love she declared by saying she would do it with me speaks volumes. So Sunday will be our day to shop together (and I'll probably cry of frustration in the grocery store, I'll try to remember to bring my xanax in case)... But I will do this because I want to feel better. Because this isn't abundant life, and I know it's out there. I'll keep striving to eliminate a few of these things if it means I can live with less pain, because I've realized there will probably always be some to manage. And that's ok. I just need to find my own go-to: something I can still have AND want that is on the approved list. And any receipes, websites, or tips are appreciated in this time too :) I need them!! Thank you all for still reading along, with my valleys and mountain tops =) I know I write mostly about the valley's lately, but they ARE blessings intermixed, and I will keep that praise coming too!

Love,
Amy Christine

If you're curious, this is the diet we are about to do:
http://www.functionalmedicine.org/content_management/files/ifm_Comp_Elim_Diet_091503.pdf

Beginning to be good to myself

I've ALWAYS tried to look for ways to bless other people. For almost 32 years, that's been what I've tried to be about. But when that is turned on me and putting my needs first, I stammer, I clam up, I feel awkward, I make excuses that I can't afford it, whatever. One of the very best things I learned at Seminary while getting my Master's degree in Counseling was that if I'm not in a healthy place, then I may not be "helping" anyway. Today has been ALL ABOUT self-care. I went shopping with my dear friend Sarah to use some of my gift-cards at the Outlet malls, and let myself buy cute clothes. I haven't bought clothes in YEARS unless they were at a thrift store. We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant, and I didn't think the entire time about my lack of funds. I went and had a massage (granted, yes, had a coupon). I went to a comedy show tonight with some friends from my house church. These are all great strides and diversions in forgetting my job-search or my doctors appointment this week to find out some test results (side note- don't appreciate VM's saying your doctor wants to see you about your results instead of just leaving them on your VM while at work on Friday evening. Awesome. Stew on that for the weekend).

I usually have no qualms about paying money for other people {within reason of course}. When it comes to my own health, I've paid my fair penny's in the last few years. However, to actually think of myself, my needs, what I want to do or would enjoy.... that is never on the agenda. Or budget. Today was a beginning of trying to reclaim a small segment of that for myself. Moving to downtown Indianapolis and basically starting over here in downtown Indy has been difficult. I make no claims to say it has been anything other than that. However, I'm learning some cheaper alternatives to begin to put myself first as I live here. To begin to turn that around. To start thinking of me included in the plan as an active voice and participant. It's sad that it's taken almost 32 years and a few close calls with death itself to start actually listening to my own voice. But I've begun to enjoy the time I spend with myself and discovering what I do have to bring to the table. I may have gone about it all in some atypical manners, but I don't really have any regrets about who I am today. I may have things that I would do over again or in another way, but I have a unique perspective to bring to the world, and I'm starting to catch a glimpse of just how God might want to use my voice and this/His story in light of His grand scheme here in Indianapolis. That gets me hyper with anticipation. But it starts with learning how to take care of me in the process. Tonight, I'm thankful for the gift of beginning to appreciate me. And with those thoughts, I am off to enjoy another beautiful hour of sleep tonight! Thank you for that present Sweet Baby Jesus =)
Love,
Amy Christine