Beginning to be good to myself

I've ALWAYS tried to look for ways to bless other people. For almost 32 years, that's been what I've tried to be about. But when that is turned on me and putting my needs first, I stammer, I clam up, I feel awkward, I make excuses that I can't afford it, whatever. One of the very best things I learned at Seminary while getting my Master's degree in Counseling was that if I'm not in a healthy place, then I may not be "helping" anyway. Today has been ALL ABOUT self-care. I went shopping with my dear friend Sarah to use some of my gift-cards at the Outlet malls, and let myself buy cute clothes. I haven't bought clothes in YEARS unless they were at a thrift store. We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant, and I didn't think the entire time about my lack of funds. I went and had a massage (granted, yes, had a coupon). I went to a comedy show tonight with some friends from my house church. These are all great strides and diversions in forgetting my job-search or my doctors appointment this week to find out some test results (side note- don't appreciate VM's saying your doctor wants to see you about your results instead of just leaving them on your VM while at work on Friday evening. Awesome. Stew on that for the weekend).

I usually have no qualms about paying money for other people {within reason of course}. When it comes to my own health, I've paid my fair penny's in the last few years. However, to actually think of myself, my needs, what I want to do or would enjoy.... that is never on the agenda. Or budget. Today was a beginning of trying to reclaim a small segment of that for myself. Moving to downtown Indianapolis and basically starting over here in downtown Indy has been difficult. I make no claims to say it has been anything other than that. However, I'm learning some cheaper alternatives to begin to put myself first as I live here. To begin to turn that around. To start thinking of me included in the plan as an active voice and participant. It's sad that it's taken almost 32 years and a few close calls with death itself to start actually listening to my own voice. But I've begun to enjoy the time I spend with myself and discovering what I do have to bring to the table. I may have gone about it all in some atypical manners, but I don't really have any regrets about who I am today. I may have things that I would do over again or in another way, but I have a unique perspective to bring to the world, and I'm starting to catch a glimpse of just how God might want to use my voice and this/His story in light of His grand scheme here in Indianapolis. That gets me hyper with anticipation. But it starts with learning how to take care of me in the process. Tonight, I'm thankful for the gift of beginning to appreciate me. And with those thoughts, I am off to enjoy another beautiful hour of sleep tonight! Thank you for that present Sweet Baby Jesus =)
Love,
Amy Christine