Lessons learned from my facebook fast 2013

I had become all too dependent upon social media to both update me on the people I love lives, and to report my own happenings. However, for Lent, it became my discipline to just not turn to it- incoming or to go to it & post. At first, it was stupidly challenging. Thoughts came up like "But I wonder what _____ is doing today" or "Surely, I need to announce that I just ______". But like all things that you train yourself to do or not do, just like my taking on these silly diets for my health reasons or training for this 5k in a few weeks, you learn to live without and remind yourself that it's not an option.

I wasn't giving it up forever- it was 40 days (and just 5 years ago I didn't even have an account), but no one needs to know most of what I would have been posting anyway. There were certainly times that I just wanted to "cheat" and sign on to see what people were up to, post about a new fun gluten-free recipe that I perfected, my new and fabulous job (after praying and looking for 21 months!), starting to come out of this most recent ridiculous diet (hello fear- I'm now eating things and waiting to see if it gives me a headache... who does this voluntarily again?) or whatever I would post about before... I've learned that I can do without. Facebook is not my master. It serves its purpose and place in my life, but it's a place, not an idol, (which social media can EASILY slip into!) Just like any other fast, it was a choice and a discipline to not go to it, to abstain- and to do something more productive with my time. So I used that time to exercise and prepare myself for this 5k on April 13th (and my only goal is to not die. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's the truth); to volunteer more (a therapeutic riding program for kids with disabilities, Riley Children's Hospital, and Common Ground Church with their children's ministry); to get to know the people in my house church better and more intentionally; to pray and learn to listen for God's voice; to become better at knitting (I finished a baby blanket for my niece in a month and it is so soft and cute!);
and to not WORRY and consume my thoughts with the stupid 'What If' lies that Satan SO EASILY creeps in and whispers to me. Don't incorrectly assume that this fast has made me so much more spiritual now and I totally have all of the answers and have become yoda or somehow enlightened... But I have seen some of the ways that I would unhealthily run and escape to facebook, in my fears as if facebook could do something about my insecurities, pains, fears, ponderings, or those times when you need just a good laugh or are missing my distant friends- not that any of those things are necessarily bad in and of themselves, but they had become an idol for me, where I would run to facebook before God if I'm getting really honest. I hate that- it's painful and ugly, and not what I want to be about or the life I want to lead. So I'm sticking with facebook even with all of it's flaws, but I no longer need it the way that I did before. I'll be on every couple days to update and such, but I wont let it consume me the way that it before. So continue to email, text and call me as those will still be primary. And as always, thanks for continuing to follow along with the roller coaster that is my life currently!
Love, Amy Christine

I love my job!

I just may be privileged enough to have one of the best jobs out there. Something I had KNOWN would be out there, and after what I would consider way too much time, pain, searching and waiting FOR OVER FOUR YEARS, I am now an Youth Advocate for youth with disabilities at a Non-Profit here in Indianapolis called accessABILITY. There are many days when I still have to make sure that this is actually reality and pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I get the opportunity to advocate and teach people under 25 life skills- anything from cooking to finding a job. This could be becoming more independent within their own home with their parents (most likely) or possibly assisting someone in college or just finishing high school find accessible housing, a job, etc.

I told my executive director this last week that I think that by learning to advocate for others... that I'm actually going to learn to be such a better advocate for myself. That excites me and terrifies me at the same time. My direct boss showed me the curriculum that we will be using with the high school youth, and this is an excerpt:
“I am a unique and special person. I
am doing the best I can. If others put
me down I need to remember that I’m
OK…no matter what anyone else
thinks. I do not have to prove myself to
anyone. If I make a mistake that
doesn’t make me a bad person; it only
proves that I am human. I can make
good decisions for myself and take
responsibility of the results. I am
great.” -Riley Hospital Self Esteem Pledge

Tears welled up in my eyes when I read that statement. I get to FIGHT for others who cannot speak up for themselves or may not know how. I get to teach them, and show them how. But most of it comes by embracing what makes them unique and no one else could do. That's thrilling and terrifying when you stand back and think about it really. I've lived for 30+ years not knowing how to make good boundaries for myself, and since receiving my masters in counseling but then having some terrible things happen to me personally, I've retreated into myself for fear of getting hurt further. But now, with making decisions to getting myself to a healthier place personally in most areas- spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially, relationally... I'm trying to remain open to whatever may come. I've hid in fear and pain for far too long, locked behind a door of unknowns caging me in. I was talking at working to someone who even had made the comment "most people just don't get it. But I know that you do. You have really been to the depths and wrestled with some hard questions. You might not have all the answers yet, but you allow people to just sit where they are, while maybe challenging a thought or two, but simply listening to them and their struggles..." If anything, after the past 4 years, I have more questions. I don't have any conclusions- actually they usually detract, distract, and discount what's really going on actually. So my thoughts 4 years later... I'm wiser. I have perseverance. I wouldn't do anything of the last 4 years over per se... but I wouldn't take it away either now. I've become stronger. I couldn't say that about the Amy at 28. So now I get to do my dream job- combining my degree and my personal experience to somehow fight for the rights of others. And we'll see what that actually looks like once I'm out of training in a few weeks :) But I could be happier doing what I love and being on this journey right now!
Love,
Amy Christine