Employed at CHCO

Such a big and exciting last week! I started orientation & training this last week for Children's hospital. I'm exhausted from not sleeping (my mind just can't seem to turn off yet!!) There is SO MUCH to learn, and SO MANY SYSTEMS AND ACRONYMS, but the potential for growth with this system continues to leave me speechless. I get misty eyed just thinking of the ways I've LONGED to connect with a good health system to offer redemption & hope to patients for the last 4.5 years... I've wanted to combine my own story of being a medical anomaly with my degree & my faith to offer some of the hope I've experienced myself. I've gotten glimpses of what that might look like and it's brought TEARS to my eyes along the way. I've had several set-backs and discouragements along the way... But the HOPE to SOMEDAY be doing something like what I currently am hired to do hasn't left... Oh. Such relief to see the potential finally here. To grow. To move around in a great system eventually.

The benefits of this company are amazing. I'm still in awe. I *may* have yelled out "A TO THE MEN" during all-staff orientation to something-not even sure what now! We get health benefits for part-time, a bus pass, a weight watchers program support, tons of discounts, and a concierge on STAFF who's there to run some of our errands like oil changes, dry cleaning, and mailing packages for their employees at no extra cost to us! So although there is much to still coordinate with my transportation and so much to learn and become familiar with (as with any new job!) it's been awesome so far to see God show up and help me recall things on very little sleep! That just continues to reassure me that I'm right where I'm supposed to be! It's also reassuring to hear from many of my coworkers that they applied for 10-50 positions... And know that I was selected "because of my cover letter and resume" and my process wasn't 1-3 years to get in, but rather a couple of weeks. Again, that's not ME. "I" didn't get me into this incredible system. Apparently, there is something that my passion, story & degree will do there. Tears for what it will continue to be. Years of praying for a position like this to grow into. A platform to offer hope and redemption. Something that has been so near and dear to my heart. Where I become alive and can SEE the deepest needs of people in crisis (as often only a medical crisis can bring out those existential questions, and I've learned how to personally handle the "gray" and not knowing the answers yet)... Ahhh. Alive. Blossoming. Growth. Sometimes painful and certainly not easy to continue to HOPE, but an amazing feeling to simply rest and know that I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. That HE IS GOING TO CONTINUE TO TAKE CARE OF ME! That has continued to be such an awesome truth to cling to in the deepest part of my being. Just to know that I know. It's not really something I can yet truly articulate, but just an assurance deep within my Spirit that probably looks delirious and crazy to the outside world. And that's ok. Faith rarely makes sense to others. I realize that much of my story doesn't make much "Earthly" sense. That's probably God's point in most of it.

I can't describe just how content life is right now. Sure, there is still a long list of things & needs that I'm wondering HOW God is going to show up and provide for. But I've SEEN HIM provide! It's been humbling, made me patient and seem stubborn I'm sure, but I'VE SEEN IT. Experienced it. Tasted it. I wouldn't trade this journey... Although there were many times when I questioned and would have pressed fast-forward or changed the HOW'S... But I'm more confident in my Faith and His Providence now. I've heard from so many friends that they would have brushed off my advice as a "simple Christian platitude" but they've known my past so they know and trust that I mean it. That's powerful. That's redemption. That makes the unexplainable 4.5 years more worth it. If only for the ways God has & is using those events. Deep hurts & brokenness. Yearning for a day to get OUT of the pit that I was in. Off the current roller coaster.

So, with much love and a content and confident soul at rest for the first time in a LONG time, I'm loving sharing my journey(s) with you all! I'm excited to see what lay ahead for me here and why this place. So stretching, but so good!
Love, Amy Christine

He was with me

Ahhh. Yesterday was beautiful. I went to my EMDR session (SUPER intense counseling for you non-counseling-speak friends) to deal with my stroke and my attack. I've KNOWN there is more baggage to deal with under there, even if I try and shove it away and "not deal with it". Since that in-turn affects my health... I've said it's finally worth the investment of digging some crap up. Let's face it- buried emotions are cancerous and eat at you, your health is one of the first things affected. People RARELY see that connection, and I'm becoming much more aware of how my health goes (food, emotions, weather- they ALL affect it!) So it's been time to deal with some of the stuff that I've KNOWN is still in there. Thankful for the resources of time to do so right now!

While at EMDR yesterday, my counselor had me imagine my Posey bed (literally a mesh tent thing that I was zipped into while in bed- at night and for naps) and imagine myself in that state with my eyes closed and holding these buzzing paddle things used in EMDR work. I was Frail. Broken. Without a voice. Scared. Having NO SAY of much of anything that was happening to me. I asked Jesus where He was in the midst of all of it. I started SOBBING when He showed me He was with me IN that zipped up tent, holding me. One of my favorite moments of the day was after a shower then was to be wrapped in a warm blanket (if I ever win the lottery, that's one of the FIRST things I'm buying. HEAVEN!) and He showed me He was even surrounding me with His presence IN those warm blankets. This wasn't a "I want some reassurance so I'm going to tell myself these things to make myself feel better move"; this was God SHOWING me- "Daughter, I WAS THERE. This is HOW. Seeing you in pain hurt me too. But I WAS THERE even in the midst of it, even when you couldn't see, feel, or acknowledge me. BUT I WAS THERE." Tears just streamed down my face. I needed that visualization. That reminder and picture of where He was. I KNEW He was in my heart, but seeing where He was during the crazy-up-in-the-air months made me relax and recall some of the good moments in the hospital and how He was IN THEM. Sigh. So many years and months fretting over how I thought I was alone. Tears when I realized I was NOT.

We'll get to the attack eventually- that'll probably be in a few weeks yet. It's amazing how things you've held on to for YEARS can be dropped in a moment after a revelation like that. I'm grateful for it's releasing from my body, mind and memory. It hasn't been good for my health, outlook, how I've seen myself, and continued to move through life! AHHH! I can breathe again!
Love,
Amy Christine