The Parable of the Ten Virgins

I met with Jolene yesterday, and as always, she kicked my butt. I just appreciate her insights. She mentioned how my new learning of boundaries is somewhat like the Parable of the Ten Virgins from Matthew 25. I think the old Amy would have said in response "Sure, you can have some of my oil, or in fact, just have my lamp and go see the bridegroom" but as I'm learning new boundaries, I'm learning how to say no to things that are not healthy to me and what to say yes to. Pretty much, I'm learning how to have a spine. I have learned that other people need to be prepared and take the consequences of their actions (or in-actions) and that I'm not responsible for their consequences. I'm learning that it's ok for me to say no to them and let them learn, that I want to see the bridegroom and that it's ok for me to go see the bridegroom because I planned ahead. The insight was amazing for me last night. I needed that. Not just someone to realize how hard I've been working on boundaries, but a Biblical example of someone beginning to assert themselves and take care of themselves, and it be ok and honored by God. I've been reflecting on that parable and thinking about it since she said it yesterday, and it makes a lot of sense. The New Amy is one of the one's who was prepared, and now would tell the other five the same answer that we see in the text. That's not harsh, but realistic and actually show more love because others need to learn how to be accountable to their actions.

I'm feeling more and more like the Old Amy, which is AWESOME! My memory is starting to return (though there are some memories that I wish would have stayed forgotten), reading is taking me less amounts of time (but still way too long for someone in graduate school!), and I am beginning to learn how to take care of me in the midst of this chaos that we call life, boundaries, self-care, using my skills of the past from waiting tables to aid me in serving at the DH, living off a very meager budget and becoming creative with ways of making things... each new day is a day for me to come across things where I can realize where I have come from and what more opportunities lie ahead of me. I like this new Amy better. It's taken me a lot of time and effort to accept that this is just the way things are right now. For 6 more months of grad school, things are this way and not liking it isn't going to change anything. After I graduate, I have no idea what I'll be doing, but a trip to Indianapolis next week might bring me some clarity. Right now, I'm just open. Pray for me next week when I go look at Indianapolis, that I'll just have clarity to see things and possibilities if they are there. I just want to remain open. Thanks for continuing to follow along 21 months later. This journey of recovery is harder than I ever thought possible. But you've helped me by your support, encouragement, and just staying with me throughout it all. Thank you.
Love, Amy Christine