This is more like what I had pictured summer to be. Sunny. 80's. Beautiful outside. Sitting outside in my bathing suit as I write this, while eating a Mediterranean salad. For the last several weeks, this state known for it's sunshine (over 300 days!) has had cloudy skies and miserable temperatures, going from 80s to 40 or 50's in a matter a minutes, and making someone who's subject to weather migraines absolutely in agonizing pain. This spring has been the worst for my head probably ever. I've made a bucket list of places I want to go see and travel around in the state and people to go visit yet while I still live out this way. Between cleaning for people's homes, and learning new things at the country club every single day, volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House (which I'm loving), doing things for the community where I live at (which I'm still loving and continues to be perfect for me right now, and all the other things that seem to keep me busy daily... I keep myself busy since graduating just a few weeks ago. Sometimes I forget it's only been two weeks and a few days!
Last night I got called into work for the Memorial Day BBQ and they had some island music playing, and it got me so excited to go to see my family in 2 weeks in Michigan and then Jamacia together. I haven't really been able to relax here in Denver, so getting away to MI and Jamacia should force me to relax, or at least I'm hoping it will!
I've decided I won't start looking for jobs in Indianapolis until after I get back from Jamacia, since there is not really anything I can do about them until I get back anyway. The more I think about what life might look like a year from now, I am filled with apprehension, fear, unknowns, why's, but then I am reminded that the last few years have not been about me either. There is so much that I want to do or accomplish, but know that those things cannot happen without God leading the way first. I am terrified about what might be next when I get honest. I know it will be good, but I like structure, and am not good with change from the routine of things that I know or what I am comfortable with. Graduate school, even though it was incredibly challenging, was good for me, because it provided a structure to my days, of where I needed to be, what I needed to do, etc. I may just move to Indianapolis without an official job and look when I arrive, as it might be easier to search for jobs actually being in the state than trying to do that long distance anyway. I may just save up my money from working this summer to get me by for a month or two and get a hostess job when I first arrive too. It's all up in the air right now, but that's what I'm thinking right now, it would certainly take the pressure off moving and having to start in two weeks!
I think I would still like to write down my story in a book, but have no idea how to do go about doing that, but I would still like to do it somehow. Since having my stroke, I've learned of at least three other young women that are friends or acquaintances also having strokes, and that terrifies me. I did the video for my school, which is now partially done (the doctors and my portion), but still think the message of how much a stroke can change your your life and where you are headed needs to get out there somehow... I just had no idea at 28 that a) strokes could happen to young people b) you could actually live through a stroke c) how your life could be thrown upside down and what you would have to face because of a stroke. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually... it's effected all of me, to the core. It shook me and where I was headed, why I was in school, what I want to do with my life, it's changed a lot about me, and I'll never be the same, never get that Amy back no matter how much I work at it or how hard I try. I like this Amy and what I have now better than where I was going, and the relationship I have with the Lord is more authentic. It has been incredibly hard, but it is real. My relationships with the people around me have weathered a lot, but are better for it as well. I wouldn't trade these lessons. I wouldn't have picked this road if I had the choice, but I am blessed and better because of it. This is all I know. It's taken much of my memory from me as well, changed how I even saw myself and interacted with the world around me, and I know God is going to use it in the lives of other people for His glory. I'm different now, and I'm becoming okay with that. Amen.
Love,
Amy Christine
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