I listened to K-Love tonight on my way home from the grocery store, and a woman called in with a praise that a friend who had been diagnosed with cancer and given a 20% chance of living about two months ago is going to have one more round of radiation and then should be fine. God has answered and miraculously healed him. I welled up with tears, thankful with this woman that God has answered, but also saddened. Yesterday, I found out that a friend of a friend back in Indianapolis who had breast cancer, it migrated to her brain and she passed away two months before the doctors had "projected". I'm left contemplating the bigger why's tonight, why He chooses to answer some prayers miraculously and leave others unanswered. My story is miraculous. I can't look back and not see faithful intervention and intentionality in it. However, nothing since February of 2009 has come "easy", but rather, has cost me with blood, sweat, and LOT's of tears. To say it's not fair seems unjust and a far cry from what I really want to yell. My heart breaks for my friends losing friends to cancer, I have lost grandparents to the disease and think it's incredibly unjust. It makes no sense to me. Maybe that's the point. Maybe I'm not supposed to understand it. I would be a horrible God if I had to make those kinds of choices, of what prayers to answer and what is supposed to be "character building" in someone's life. Maybe that's why I'm here and He's there. ;) So tonight as I hurt for my friends in Indy who are hurting over losing LB and contemplating this answered prayer for the man cured of cancer... I'm left with questions of Why and what we do with pain and suffering. If it's supposed to help us become stronger people, that's great, but BE HERE and DO IT already. Come DWELL with us in this pain, because it hurts and it sucks. There are a lot of unanswerable questions as I go to sleep tonight. Put it on my list, right Jesus?
Love,
Amy Christine
No comments:
Post a Comment