Child Life =)

I think I have found what I want to do "when I grow up" (yes, mind you, I am 31 now, and have a masters degree... details). I went in for a tour of the Child Life Department at Riley Hospital for Children in Downtown Indianapolis yesterday, and have been smiling ever since. I loved it. Ever since I was in school and getting my masters degree and first heard about being a child life specialist- I thought "This would be a super job for me"... being able to see it firsthand yesterday sealed the deal for me. When a child gets a diagnosis and has to be in the hospital long-term for something, say, cancer, they need someone to help "normalize" the events in the hospital for them and distract them from all procedures as well. The Child Life Specialist brought her iPad and played music for patients, did a few crafts with them, and would help explain things as best as she knew how to the families. It was one of those surreal days yesterday where I found myself united with this dream of knowing that this is what I wanted to do someday, and kept beaming from ear to ear about it. Unfortunately, there aren't any openings right now at the hospital for it as an assistant, and to get into the actual Child Life department, I would have to wait until the fall to do an internship and then also sit for another exam. But I contacted the people I did the visit with, and I can volunteer in the department now, and that is at least an in for now, so it's a start! I am all about any opportunity that gets me closer to these dreams now!

I am reading this wonderful book called "Bittersweet" by Shauna Niequist, and I've so been challenged by a quote from it. "It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard, she said, is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things that you really care about" (p.54) What am I willing to give up? What am I willing to sacrifice? What are good things that I still might have to lay down because they are not the best? That's a super hard question, and it does not have any easy answer. I'm still pondering that myself, and thankfully I have a few wise people in my life that also ask me some hard questions and I'm alone some in the car right now commuting to places to interview or volunteer that I have time to reflect on these things. I think I need to intentially make space around me to have the time to reflect on what is going on- writing in my journal, praying, or simply talking to a friend on the phone that I love. I need those things to fill up my bucket, otherwise I run on empty and I am no good for anyone around me, which I hate. For now, life is somewhat quieting down, which I say hesitantly, almost not wanting to speak it and acknowledge it, for fear that it might not last... Sure, I know it won't last long once I have full-time employment soon, but for now, I am relishing the quietness of it all, between volunteering, making time for the sweet family I live with, my wonderful house church and getting to know them each better, and plug in more at my church. They are wonderful things around me here in Indianapolis, and I just need to be on the look out for the blessings in my every day life and to be ready to see what God is doing. It is my attitude and perspective that changes where I am going to go, and to God be the glory. Amen and Amen.
Love,
Amy Christine

Chronic Pain

Living with chronic pain. I don't talk about it much because I hate it and it sounds like whining. People ask why I don't just stay in bed when it hurts. Well, because I would never get out of bed, and there are things that I would like to do... like live life. Trust me, I've sought help for this. I've tried several avenues. I've gotten scans, been to dozens of doctors, gotten massages, and taken I don't know how many medications... Nothing so far seems to help. I have chronic headaches. My high school youth leader has fibromailgia now, but you would never know it. We talk about living with chronic pain sometimes. It's a completely mysterious world to someone not familiar- they think "well, just take 2 Advil and move on". Unfortunately, it's not that simple.

We talked a few weeks ago about it, and she was going to an event at her church, where very few people know about it for her. She would act like her "normal" self, but be on the couch for at least 4 hours in pain the following day because it took so much out out of her. It seems to be if you are extroverted and deal with chronic pain that you don't know how to talk to others about the issue, because you aren't sure how they are going to react really. So instead, I just keep silent, isolating myself in pain further. There are very few people who understand because I've found very few people dealing with chronic pain as well. This last week, my doctor started me on Cymbalta to try to get my pain under control. This isn't a "woe is me" entry, but just a "there's got to be some relief out there besides becoming an addict..." and I want to live a healthier life than that with other alternatives. I'm willing to look for alternatives certainly, and feel like I've already tried most of the things that are out there, and I really want to get healthy and better, but I feel I'm out of options that I know of, and am looking for additional help and ideas. Being in a new place is making my headaches even present differently, so I'm starting to note how that is so. Living with chronic pain is not a clean cut issue unfortunately, and makes for some dicey issues to deal with. Thankfully, I am getting some new doctors with new ideas on approaching the situation and I am writing down what has been tried before and how it has effected me. Hopefully that will make a difference as I move forward. I just needed to get that out!
Love,
Amy Christine

Bringing up my own stuff

I am about to volunteer at Rehabilitation Hospital of Indiana with the Stroke Survivors there, but really have zero idea of what I am getting into so far, as when I started out, the volunteer coordinator resigned on the same day. When I volunteered at Craig Hospital in Denver, it was by far, the best experience I have ever had. So far, being at RHI- although much smaller than Craig, allows me to dream of what if we could make RHI like a Craig, a place where rehab takes place in peoples’ lives and transforms them. As I am reading about the differences in strokes, and much of the information I already knew because I did a presentation on them in my “Grief and Loss" class in graduate school, my own crap is coming up. I’m realizing that I don’t have things as worked through and ironed out as I would like to believe or even let on. I wish there was someone I could take these thoughts to and ask them, but even the people who have been by my side since the stroke have varied as well as my doctors, counselors, etc- so it’s not like I can just call up someone and say, “Hey, have I always been this way post-stroke?” I hate that my life is now even determined and categorized like that. In a way, it’s something to be proud of. But Satan loves to discourage me and remind me of how much further along I should be by now. I love the way that Jolene, my counselor back in Colorado put it when I was training for the 5k- ‘just tell that voice, ‘hey, remember when a few years ago we couldn’t walk? So shut up, we’re going for a run today.” So I know I want to volunteer and offer some hope to other Stroke Survivors because I know how hopeless it feels, but even preparing to do this feels daunting. So I sit here and cry as I read the manual of different kinds of strokes. I find myself getting angry whenever I see the "risk factors" for a stroke, because I didn't have any. God allowed this to happen, but it's not His fault. I am changed forever, and will stop looking for the reasons why it happened to me but be a offering of hope to someone else looking for redemption. Lord, I want to be your instrument for change, regardless of how hard it is for me in the mean time. Help me to accept that and be willing.
Love,
Amy Christine