Within 24 hours this last week, I went to 2 different doctors that I had been looking forward to seeing for months, a general practioner that came recommended to me a few months ago during my EEG, and a neuro-psychologist to talk about my stroke with. Both left me in tears, and were fantastic. For over three years, I've lived with WAY MORE questions than answers, and gotten used to doctors just throwing pills at me because they don't know what else to do with me since my body won't play by the rules they were taught in school...
So Monday I met with Dr. Fox. Loved her. I had already sort of established myself with a doctor in Carmel, but something still told me to go get a second opinion on everything yet. I think when I had lived in Indianapolis in 2003-2005 I had seen someone in the 'Community' network, so she was able to she my prior notes from then as well, including my immunization records from when I went to Africa in 2005. When I had the stroke in 2009, I was on birth control, but can't even remember the name of it now, and it was only to help with the cramps I had every month. They never put me back on anything, and when I have to return to something someday when I'm married, they'll put me on an hormone-free IUD. I guess there are risks associated with them. Again, I should have gone to medical school for all that I've had to pro-actively learn myself in the last few years. She actually asked me questions about my family, the medications I was taking then and now. Though she didn't come out and say anything definitive and still wants to do further blood work, she hypothetezied that maybe my liver couldn't fully process the medications I was on and with the immunizations my immune system was weakened, with the history of cancers in my family there might be something more genetic to look for, and the combination of it all especially with the migraine medications just became the perfect storm in my body. I broke down. A 31 year old woman crying in a doctors office.
I have had weekly doctors appointments, and added it up yesterday for taxes, and just last year alone, spent over about $7,500 in medical crap. That is absolutely ridiculous. I'm relatively healthy, but come ON!? The relief that she offered me with just a hypothesis of what it could have been was... I can't even express it in words. Sure, it won't change anything now, it happened, but just to know WHY. I trust God. I do. But I still want a medical explanation of why it happened and why I'm always in pain. She looked at my sinuses and I told her that I've had chronic sinus problems and headaches since 3rd grade. She said they were inflamed and it could be due to dairy. Since I've done radical diets before and I'm in such pain all the time, I asked how long it would be until I noticed a difference, thinking she'd say a few weeks. 3 MONTHS. Middle to end of June. No creamer. No cheese. No milk. No ice cream. Back to reading labels for everything. Dr. Fox gave me hope in telling me and shifting my focus from something I've seen myself as over the last 3 years and told me a new truth- YOU ARE NOT A MEDICAL ANOMALY. YOU A JUST A PUZZLE. I can deal with that. A puzzle can be solved. I walked out of her office for the first time in three years with HOPE. I cannot express how GOOD that feels. So I'll do this dairy-free diet until the end of June if it means less pain.
24 hours later, I was sitting with Dr. Bigelow in her office, the neuro-psychologist. She looked at the scans that I had done a few months ago here in Indiana. She pointed to her screen and the picture of my brain and pointed to the section of frontal lobe that is now missing and said "if they had removed the section just a few centimenters over, you would have no speech. If it was over here, you would have no comprehension." Instantly bawling again. The pain and reality of the last three years have sucked. Royally. Getting my migraines and daily chronic headaches back in the fall of 2009 was one of the worst days of my life because the fear of "seriously, I have to deal with THIS again?" Looking at that screen with her was a small glimpse into the sovereignty of God. It was if He was saying, yes, I know this was not something you would have chosen for yourself. But even in that, I made sure that you were taken care of. She also said to me "for you to have made this much recovery so quickly is truly remarkable". All I could say in response was that there was someone looking out for me in this. So I feel like I have Hope again. So we'll see what happens with all of this. Hoping and praying for more answers from these new doctors, and feeling like they are a God-send right now. Sorry this was mostly a doctor-ish update, but that has mostly been my life for the last three years, so here's a glimpse into my life for real :)
Love,
Amy Christine
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