Still needed...

So, this move to Denver has me un-nerved again. My very pragmatic friends are freaking out with my details still TBD (and honestly, it's hard to continue to resist going to those depths too). I've learned in the last 1.5 years of living in Indianapolis that GOD DOES PROVIDE. Even in the midst of "How is ____ going to come together?" Um, it has and it does, regardless of how it might feel. Or look. Or... doubts, worries, and my own weaknesses have lurked around every corner and every decision here. I know for many, they can't comprehend how or why I'm giving up trying... when my response is that I can't continue to live in this intense physical pain and depression that manifests itself physically and can't be treated with medication(s). I've tried. It didn't work. And going to a place where I don't feel some of the pains as intensely with many doors opening for me- I need to try it again. Most of my details still need to come together.

I have a roommate, but we're still looking for a place together (in the DU area of town likely).
I need transportation (I learned how to use the public transportation while I lived there before, and though it adds like an extra hour or two on to where you are going, it's probably the option I'm going with at first).
I need a job. I've applied and several places seem promising, but nothing has come together yet.
I'm not sure how I'm getting out there or even when. Most likely flying the middle of August and shipping my stuff separately.
I don't have a church yet that I'm going to go to. This is one of my biggest desires and I know God will provide a great family for me to plug into, but I just don't know where exactly yet.

So, the decision has been made- I'm moving. But living where, how I'm getting there, transportation around, where I'm working and worshiping... all of that still needs to come together. I still have plenty of social connections in the Denver area, and though they have changed with time, I'm excited to return and live life with them once again. I really wanted that here in Indy, but I could never get past the traumas that happened to me here to allow God to connect me with people to make this feel like home. That breaks my heart because I wanted it here.

So, if you have any connections for me- transportation, job(s), housing, churches... any of those details, could you pass them on please? Being on the edge of this cliff is un-nerving but I also know & trust that God will provide. And that's one thing I'm soliciting the help of my web friends to help me in this process of moving again. Love you all!! :)

Love,
Amy Christine

Moving to Denver

I'm under no delusions with this move back to Colorado. I KNOW things will be different with my friends- they & I have had almost two years apart and things have changed, Babies were had, marriages strengthened, school finished, jobs started and ended. I'm not going back into the Grad School bubble I had before or my Downing House community, which were both instant families. All I know is- my pain was less while I was there and with increasing doors closing in Indianapolis, I have to try someplace new... where I may not be in horrid pain all the time. I have accepted that I may always have SOME sort of pain (head, myalgia, food, allergies, whatever) and for many of them- I'm thankful. It's made me a much more compassionate and emphatic person to be able to enter in to prayer for my friends who are also plagued by mysterious ailments. (No, you don't have to have them to pray, but you do just understand a LOT more when you also have something that can't be figured out by modern medicine).

There are SO MANY mixed emotions going into this move. Feelings of failing- I tried moving here because I thought I was being called to Indy... But then I got here, went through a wretched heartbreak & shattered dreams and broken promises, then was assaulted, and got to try to pick up the pieces of my shattered self while managing PTSD & Seasonal depression while trying to navigate a new place and form new friendships. All of this while seeing myself as broken, a victim, completely abandoned, and the image I saw staring in the mirror when I would look at myself in the mirror was a shell of who I knew I was. I didn't realize the humidity would hate my body so much. I developed myalgia while here- where my joints would become arthritic and stiff, and found I had complicated food allergies (in a place where it's not hip yet to have them). There have been so many nights in tears wondering if I heard God wrong, why He would lead me into this dessert and valley, how He's going to redeem this time here. The last 4.5 years have been riddled with unfortune and loss. I most often feel as though my circumstances are a script to a daytime drama yet to be made. I'm tired of having to live out the DSM (after getting my degree in it, and being tempted often to self-diagnose). Although there have been some really sweet spots and friends and glimmers of hope throughout my time here (and it's NOT like I have tried and tried) I'm tired of striving. Of trying to make it myself here. The things that I thought would be here when I moved have disappeared, and left me disillusioned. So since it appears that my doors are closing in this city and opening in a place where my heart may have never left, I'm returning back to Denver. It's less running away from this place and more of a running TO a place that my heart still is. I'm going back with no car, no job yet, no church home, no doctors again, a roommate but no place just yet, and just the dreams of my pains being less intense and friends that have loved me even through my worst. This time I have a realistic view of what starting over may look like. The details are up to God to arrange for me. It's a scary transition but I have FAITH that God is opening all the doors I need to make this a reality! Lots of love and hope for a new start in a familiar city!
Love,
Amy Christine