Redemption :)

I’m tearful again as I write this, as I writing from the cafeteria of the hospital that has given so much back to me. I was at Craig Hospital after my stroke in 2009, and relearned how to walk, talk, swallow, and began to think critically again after my dissection. 3.5 months in the hospital, 5 weeks that I can’t recall any longer- just gone.

I had a meeting here earlier this morning, and I’m going to see one of my favorite OT’s this afternoon, so I’m sticking around. When I was a patient here, I couldn't remember my breakfast from that morning. That remained true for about another year or 1.5, even being in graduate school. Beyond humbling to have to re-learn how to learn and go back to school (which used to come easy) and have it take everything to remain alert enough to concentrate on school. Anywhoo… I’m sitting at a table in the cafeteria today and people are walking by AND I REMEMBER THEM. THEIR NAMES. WHAT WE DID 4 YEARS AGO TOGETHER. They may have just drawn my blood or been a receptionist that I would walk past as I was relearning stamina with my stride again, BUT I REMEMBER WHO THEY ARE. That’s a big deal. I’m going to celebrate it.

There is a verse in Genesis 50 that has come to mind so many times in the last 4.5 years. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good…” (Genesis 50:20a) It’s been humbling to talk with doctors that worked on me after my stroke or performed my surgeries and have them tell you “You should have died” or "If the stroke had happened even a fraction of a centimeter over here, you wouldn't be able to ____" That’s sobering. It has taken hearing it a few times of it for me to not sob when some medical professional says it to me again, usually while hold my scans of my brain. The scans that I have are truly a miracle. There are no other words. Even doctors who don't profess Christ tell me that. What Satan intended to harm me, has actually been utilized by God to turn around and let others see Him through my broken body. Again, humbling. Not how I would have done things. Not how I would have written the story. He’s using the broken and deep hurts within me to let others see Him at work.

Although there are bright spots of accomplishment over the last 4.5 years, it hasn’t been easy. At all. It’s been incredibly refining, humbling, and beyond hard. I've continued to push through- I'm not giving up since I've been given another chance at life itself. But little moments like being able to remember people at Craig today- that is totally needed as I’ve become weary with the chronic pains and my moves. I’m grasping for some stability in a land that often misunderstands what it is to live with a traumatic brain injury. I get the opportunity to live and prove their conceptions wrong. That's a big deal too. I don't take it lightly, but there are days when giving up seems like a much more viable option. But instead, I continue to ask God what else He would have me do. To let go of others' opinions and work for His approval instead. Just thought I would share the awesomeness of today's events with all of you! Much love from Denver :)
Love,
Amy Christine