Stupid Memory

I am crying as I type this. Emotional breakdown doesn't begin to touch how I'm feeling. When you have two brain surgeries and they remove parts of your cerebellum and frontal lobe (yes, they were dead), I'm left from the stroke with cognitive impairments that I will never get back. They have gotten much better. I used to not remember AT ALL what I had done that day or peoples names that I had just met. Now I CAN, which is amazing and such an accomplishment. As I have worked at the country club (which is VERY memory driven), it has been AWESOME to be able to recall "oh, that is Mr. ----, he was in here last x and had a ___ and sat at 302."

I've needed this letter for loan deferments to prove that I am getting public assistance (SSDI), and I got a letter from them a few weeks ago which showed this. I remember opening the letter and saying to myself "file this, it is important". Unfortunately, I've torn my room apart, and letter is still missing in action. If I could even express how frustrating that is and what that does to have to email someone any say "Yup, Hi, I'm incompetent, lost it, can I get another please?" I know it's just a piece of paper, but one that shows to the loan people the documentation that they are looking for... between the loan people and SSDI/SSI, both have been incredibly not helpful the last few years and I'm surprised I'm not fully gray from dealing with them. No wonder I have had migraine headaches. Both have been necessary "evils" in my life, but if I haven't had to deal with them, I would not have by choice. So I emailed the woman back today and told her that I've looked everywhere and still cannot find it, and how do I go about getting another copy. It might mean sitting on the phone for a few hours with Social Security, my favorite. And this has become my life post-stroke- oh the joys of being independent, right?! Sigh! Lord, if the stroke was in your will, that's fine, but can you just have some grace and help me keep these daily things in order please, because I really hate having to email people or tell them that I've lost what they have given or entrusted to me. I've accepted that the stroke is a part of my story now and learned how to incorporate that into my story, so help me learn memory techniques too. This can only get worse with age, having children, and time from what others tell me, so prepare me Father for what's to come.
Love,
Amy Christine