Seeking direction

I'm broken and looking for direction. I really thought my next step was Indianapolis, and maybe it still is, but right now, I need healing and support and making a cross-country move to virtually start my life over again doesn't feel very supportive. The main reason I would be making the move would be to be closer to my family, and with them still four hours away, it's not as though they can just come over if something "comes up". So once again, I'm seeking direction when I thought I had it, and I HATE this aimless feeling. I know I'll look back at this time 6 months or a year from now and go, "wow, I grew a lot then", but right now... I just feel aimless and without purpose. With being a very driven person who fought for everything back in the last 2.5 years through graduate school and the stroke... this sucks and has taken me very much by surprise. I don't know what to do so just cry and journal. I wish it was different, but it's not. I've done all that I can do, and I am just waiting for God to do what He is going to do or other people to do their parts now. I'm not very patient. You probably haven't noticed that. So for now I wait. It feels like an eternity, but I know it is just hours passing. My to-do list of things I don't really "want" to do still sits there, day by day, still not getting done. Maybe tomorrow I'll get motivation to do something about it. But for now I wait and pray for direction on what is next. I don't want to go any place that God is not leading me, but feel I need healing somewhat first (and hope that makes sense). Thursday I leave to go camping with some outpatients from when I was in the hospital at Craig years ago. I think time in the wilderness in the Black Hills of South Dakota will do my heart some good right now as I ponder my next steps.

For those of you in Indiana that thought I was moving back, maybe I still am. For those of you who have been my support here in Colorado and my family away from "home", thank you for your continued support. I love you very, very much. This months are seemingly dark but I know they are not without hope. I still choose joy.
Love,
Amy Christine