Called out

Correction from previous post: I only said SOME of the people that I value most are 2000+ miles away, and they know who they are. I've become very close with some extremely special people here in my life that without the stroke, I probably wouldn't be as close to. The stroke has given me the opportunity to depend upon others and that hasn't been easy for me. Never has been. Although the inconsistency and transitions haven't been easy on me, and I'm currently living out of boxes and my car while I move AGAIN (4th time in 9 months- over-rated!), I've learned to adjust to my new surroundings here (whatever they might be at the current time) and just deal with it. A close friend pointed out my earlier blog and how it may have come across like I didn't value the amazing people that I have around me here in CO and have walked with me through this for over a year, and if you did read it that way, THAT WASN'T MY INTENT and I'm really sorry! I know I'm lucky to be here, and the people that are still walking with me are immensely special and close to me. I think I wrote that entry when I was just frustrated not knowing how to get in touch with friends when phone calls or emails go unanswered. So from here on out, I'll re-read my entries and make sure there aren't those things that could be misread- and if you do take something the wrong way- call me out! I don't want to offend anyone! But maybe that's just my ESFJ coming out :)

I've had a migraine headache since last Thursday, and lost my vision, balance and felt really sick to my stomach on Saturday morning (very similar to the stroke symptoms I experienced a year ago). I hated doing it, but I had to go wake up Doug and Sheri and tell them that I wasn't feeling well and that I thought I needed to go into the ER to get things checked out. Turns out the doctor who saw me was the same doctor who admitted me when I had the stroke. Great guy, and I started bawling in his presence when he told me that. They gave me medications through an IV, and it started to subside, but it comes back at night or when I wake up in the mornings. It's so frustrating when you just want a doctor to be on call or call something in for me when I get like this, but instead, I get to read for class or move while in intense pain. I'm so tired of my body trying to rebel against me. I told a close friend last week that I'm tired of being the expert on medical anomaly stuff- that's been true of me ever since I got lot's of skin rashes in Africa in 2005. I'm tired of my head just always being in pain and there not being a reason for it. And this isn't a plea for your pity- just me venting about how it's not fair. Maybe Jesus will show me some reasons why when I get there? The same friend also made me start a journal of things that I'm thankful for the stroke for. Things might not be fair right now, but it did help me slow down, appreciate the people around me for who they really are, and have the chance to really soak up school- if if I complain about it a lot. It's difficult to look at an event that I'm still not sure WHY it happened, but to look for the blessings that have come from it instead. It's a good exercise in looking for the good that can be found in it and what else Jesus might have in mind to do. It's a good thing for me to look for at this point and season. And those are my thoughts on a random Monday during my transition ;)