Step out on the Water

So, if you've been following me on facebook, you know that my move to Indianapolis has been anything but "typical". I've been sickly twice in the 5 weeks I've been here. Within a few weeks of being here, I went through a break up with a great guy and my dreams for the two of us were shattered, details spared for the sake of both of our privacy. My seasonal depression is back, and hard core this time, and it's really hard to describe to anyone who hasn't experienced it themselves. You really do sound like a crazy person when trying to explain that not seeing the sun makes you sad... Difficult to be back in a place where the majority of the time is so cold when you're also cold blooded and cold yourself, and having to remind yourself when you just walk out in a sweatshirt that you're no longer in Denver! Cudddl Duds long-under wear are going to be my second skin until like May!

I still haven't found full-time employment yet, but had a great interview and was called back for a second interview, but the site was about an hour away, and when you add snow or rush hour traffic, it wouldn't be pretty. I've gotten a temporary nanny job in the meantime, and although the hours are sometimes a lot to handle (some days like 6am-9:30pm), God is meeting my needs, even if not in the "traditional" manner. Since I don't have many over head expenses right now and am still covered by Medicare medical insurance, I'm doing okay. Not necessarily ideal, but okay. I continue to get emails of "my friend's cousin needs help next week with her kids" and although having my master's degree and watching kids isn't what I want to be doing, it's meeting a need and I enjoy it for right now.

It's no shocker if you've been following along for awhile that God uses music to speak to me- it's one of the only ways that I will allow myself to "slow down" and listen I guess? Last week it was Laura Story's "Blessings", and this morning, it is Britt Nicole's "Walk on the Water". One of my favorite sermon's from years ago was a look at Matthew 14:22-33, where Peter calls out to Jesus and Jesus calls him to walk to him on the water to Him. Peter walks for awhile, and then starts to doubt and sink when he sees what he is doing, and Jesus rebukes him. Not BECAUSE he doubted, but because Peter doubted the ONE who called Him out on the water to do this task and the faith He had in himself to do it. I could EASILY look at the trials around me right now and throw my hands up in the air and say, "well, the storm is coming, I haven't found full-time work, Danny and I didn't work out, it's cold here, I'm having to 'start-over' in most every area that is important to me, blah blah blah". I don't want to. I've been through too much in the last 2.5 years. I'm stubborn. I am determined. I know there is something for me to learn here. I'm happy with the life I have now, even as hard as it is most days. I'll take it. My life isn't typical, and it's not some cheap platitude that you can just give out on the sidewalk of 'do it this way' and everything will be a cake walk. No. My life for almost 31 years has been hard, and that's ok, because I've had a great Shepard by side for the majority of it now. I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't trade any of it, and I can say that with honesty. Sure, it would have been 'easier' to trade this or that for something else, but then I wouldn't have what I have now. It might make others uncomfortable, but I'm ok with what it is. So here are the lyrics that hit so poignantly this morning:


Britt Nicole "Walk on the Water"
You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there? Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

So get out, and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait, and don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for, I know you're not sure
So you play it safe, you try to run away

If you take that first step into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you
Telling you to give up

Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting, what are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you
You know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water
Walk on the water, too

Love,
Amy Christine