My memory. It's a very, very puzzling thing to live life, but not really be able to recall it, like many of the people I'm surrounded by. That's not a pity party for myself, I've just accepted this as the way I'm wired now. The fact I passed my comp's in May 2011 (an exam over the entirety of ALL of my grad school classes in one day, like 25 books and 12 classes and multiple weeks of preparation) continues to be testimony to God ALONE who allowed me to pass that. Actually, MOST of the last almost 4 years have been a testimony to His Grace. Even my chronic pain(s) now continue to allow me to keep things in proper perspective that I'm broken, finite, and have allowed me to become even more compassionate with those who also suffer with hidden or undiagnosed illnesses. Anywhoo...
So today at Starbucks two amazing events happened. For someone without memory problems or a TBI, this may not be a big deal, but I'm still BEAMING from what happened! First scenario, a customer walked in that I had been introduced to several days ago, and I still remembered his name and what drink we had been trying to get him to try, and those were my FIRST words out to him. Even as the words left my mouth I simply smiled at God with a smirk and said [in my mind] THANK YOU FOR THAT JESUS!? Second: About an hour later, a regular customer at my old store walked in to my new store, and even without having seen him IN MONTHS, I remembered his name! 2 years ago I could remember my breakfast. Today I could remember a man from months ago. That customer couldn't remember my name, and then said "Wow, I'm really impressed that you remembered me! You must be good with remembering people" ...If YOU ONLY KNEW DUDE. Funny thing about that... but I kept my mouth shut for today, and maybe someday I'll say something if the time is right.
However, today it was just a smile between God and I. About where I've come and what HE has now allowed me to do. I WOULD NOT HAVE CHOSEN ANY OF THESE OBSTACLES THAT I HAVE HAD TO ENDURE FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS! You have to be kidding me. My life is better than a soap opera. So, I may not be curing cancer with my work. I make coffee and I babysit kids. I certainly didn't think that 8 months later, I would still be at Starbucks. However, it's a good job for now. And it allows me to connect with people that I may not be able to if I was working someplace else (where I might actually have to utilize my degree and education for my work with my clients). And that's ok. For now, God is providing, and little glimmers like today remind me again that He is GOOD. He has the best plan laid out for me. For months now, I've been kicking and screaming about where I am. ("But why haven't you answered my prayers for______" like a whiny 3 year old) Recently, I've calmed down and accepted it. He hasn't provided a way out of this. So apparently HERE is right where He wants me. A temper-tantrum only tires me out when I don't really have extra energy and/or resources to spare. So I've accepted it and asked for things to remind me that He is still here with me. Not in a 'giving up' manner, but rather in an acceptance of what I DO have. And it may not be what people around me have- of monetary wealth or families of their own, but I am blessed. It just may not be on the same time-table as others. My worth does not come from others though. At the end of this life, they aren't the ones I will give an account to. So for now, I continue to ask for the grace to make it through another day, to be a blessing to those around me, to offer hope to those who need it, to remind them of His grace and redemption, and to be an agent of change somehow in their lives. Even if it's 'just coffee'. Turns out it can be so much more, and I'm thankful for those days like today to remind me that I am blessed, even right now. A to the men.
Love, Amy Christine
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