Since I'm not even sure who's still reading my rants... Can I just vent for a minute? My car window fell into the door- and I would really say bad words (besides the fact that I don't have the $ to fix it) if the car wasn't given to me by my wonderful parents. It's still taking a lot of getting used to an American-made automatic (I had a Honda stick shift when I first moved here). It's going to rain tonight, so I taped a garbage bag to the door so my whole car wouldn't get all wet. I leave on vacation to go to Minneapolis (to see Hilary- my BFF) and then that Tuesday after Memorial day until the following Monday, I'll be with my family in Lansing. I need this vacation and time away to just relax- hopefully between Hilary and my family they can make me do just that!
I thought it would be a great idea to book LOT'S of doctors appointments in the 2.5 weeks I have between classes being out and until I go back to the Midwest- but it turns out that I have booked myself SO SOLID everyday that I'm pretty much living out of my car and have 1000 things to do. Turns out I'm NOT super woman and can't do a million things like I used to. I'm slowly getting used to the fact that, in the words of my best friend Tara, 'the stroke has made my plate a lot smaller' and I have to get used to that. I HATE IT. All of the things that the stroke took away from me, even more than my independence and freedom, I think I miss the ability to multi-task well the most. It's a big shock to my pride and ego to not be able to do all of the things that I used to, and it's still something I'm daily getting used to- usually in the car running from one place to the other, usually doctors appointments unfortunately. :( My neurologist has faxed in my referral letter to the Mayo clinic in Rochester, MN- the best neurological hospital in the world, so now it's just a waiting game with them. IF I get in for an appointment, it could be up to six months of waiting. Deep breaths, we'll find out what's wrong eventually.
People have asked if I still have their ____ and I probably do... it's just in a box- give me a month to find it. I went looking for a new bathing suit today- and the smallest size they had was a 14. I may have gained all of the weight back that I lost in the hospital... but I'm not that big. So even though I haven't bought a new one since 2000... I'm going to wait until I see Hilary this weekend. So my window won't roll up, it's almost vacation but I still have to wait until Friday to leave on the plane (when am I going to pack again?), I have to wait on the new bathing suit, I get to play the waiting game with the Mayo clinic, I have to find time to box everything up because I move the day after I get back- and really, I just want to say bad things. The short of it is- I'm frustrated. There just needs to be more time in the day. Or Maybe I just need to learn how to NOT fill up my time with so much junk. It will all get done- or maybe I just need to learn that it's not all urgent.
I figured it out- by the time I move again in a few weeks, I'll have spent an average of 10 weeks in a place in the last year since getting out of the hospital. 10. 5 moves in a year= 10 weeks. Even for a "normal"/non-TBI person, that's a lot. Since I can't remember what I usually have had for breakfast- trying to remember all of those addresses= not fun. Yes, I've done it to myself, and each move has had it reasons, but it doesn't make living out of the car or boxes any easier, and it's still something I'm having to daily get used to as well. Getting used to the fact that things aren't all that urgent, slowing down, trying to remember everything by writing everything down, finding time to pack boxes and my suitcase... yeah, there's just a lot going on right now :) And those are my random thoughts & ventings for tonight! Thanks for continuing to follow along and read about my progress!
Love,
Amy Christine
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