Two milestones happened in the last 48 hours: I started to co-lead my first therapy group (and Donna- one of my supervisors would be so proud- I didn't throw up at all!), and today was my 18 month anniversary. I identified a lot more with the group than I though I would, which is going to be really good for me in this season. Some of their sentiments went like this:
- No one understands
- People think I should be over the grief because it happened years ago and I should "be over it by now"
- Their grief isn't socially acceptable because people don't know what to say. If it was a miscarriage, there would be lines of supporting people, but instead, they just feel isolated and alone.
- Even the people that do know what happened, don't call or write with messages on important days with "I know today must be hard for you"
- They feel like an emotional roller coaster, never knowing how they are going to respond or react to new news
-They want to feel excited for friends that are having babies, but inside, their stomach turns with their unresolved grief
Yes. All of these feelings are, currently and in the past, things I have felt, even when I had no affect until late last fall. I wanted to tell the women my own story, but that would be making the therapy group about me and that's not our purpose. Our purpose is to deal with their unresolved grief and process their loss. It's crazy that I found such comrade and kinship with a bunch of post-abortive women and they do not even know it, nor may I ever tell them (or even how if I did?). When I showed up to the office, the place was locked, finally had one of the custodians let me in, only to find out that the office was about 95 degrees. It was a good thing I was like an hour and a half early! Attack upon Attack. We had so many prayer warriors that I knew things were going to be OK somehow. Turns out when you really start dealing with situations that have kept these women in bondage, that Satan doesn't like them getting freedom. I did really well with their intense emotion- something that has grown on me since the stroke. I am much better with intense emotions, grief, & silence now and I am thankful for that in my own life- personally and professionally. So yes, the group may be a requirement of my program, but I am finding healing there with these women for myself.
My Mom comes tomorrow! We're going to go meet the newest member of the Harms family- little Kaylee Mae. So happy for Phil and Darbi! We're going to go on Banjo Billy's tour of Denver, see a Rockies game, get her a new facebook profile picture, maybe go to Royal Gorge, go to my new church, and visit the DMV (I AM FINALLY able to get my last restriction taken off! Here's to driving at night now!). That last one is going to be the best sight-seeing visit of them all :) And those are my current random thoughts for tonight! Thanks for continuing to follow along with my progress and what I'm doing!
Love,
Amy Christine
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