I never want this blog to become a place where I just vomit what's going on for me. I usually journal my thoughts first or talk to a good girl friend. Tonight, this is just where I am, exhausted. So excuse the unfilteredness ahead of time.
I just continue to be shocked at what the Lord seems to be doing in my life and around me. I realize that many of you may not be believers, and that's totally fine, but what God has done in me and through me in the past 19+ months just continues to astound me. It's not something I can just "separate" or "distinguish" in my life. I'm sorry if that offends anyone that reads this, for that's not at ALL how I want my life or the things that are going around me to come across. Today was a CRAZY day at my internship, and there were several moments where I was just hoping a camera was going to be around the corner or something capturing those moments. I'm supposed to leave at 4, and started my notes from ALL of my clients at 3:45... yeah, didn't leave until 6:30. One of my clients that should have been "easy" (she just needed proof of her pregnancy) ended up having labor pains in our lobby at the end of the day. Needless to say, overwhelmed! We called her a cab to take her to the hospital asap! I'm in awe that I get the opportunity to walk with these amazing women. I realize a lot of my peers wouldn't like this internship or style of counseling that we practice, but I'm flourishing in this setting for so many reasons. Personally and professionally, it's kicking my butt. In a good way.
I'm starting to see some of the healthy balance coming out in my decisions. Granted, this Training and Mentoring class at my school on Self-Care (yes, I chose what I wanted to study this semester for this course), hasn't been easy for me by any means. I've lost or distanced some friendships because of my choices or decisions. Having been a "Yes" to anything and everything to almost everyone else person is sure creating waves when I am beginning to find my true voice in matters again and saying NO. Finding what really matters to me. What energizes me and what depletes me. And as I've taken time for myself, I have so much more quality time for others. I feel like my words matter when I speak them now. I can actually hear from the Lord about my clients and people in my life once again. I thought taking care of myself would somehow turn inward and make me all-kinds of "Me" focused or self-centered (which has never, ever been something I've wanted to do and probably some of the reason I've put it off for so long in reality). Turns out by really taking the time to listen to me and my needs, I actually have something of value to offer to others, while being able to breathe again personally. Yes, my life is chaotic right now and I'm beginning to healthily draw up some manageable boundaries for myself and what I need in return. Everything in my life right now can be defined by it "in process". School. Internship. Thinking about post-May. My reclamation of my own femininity. Being a healthy graduate student (gosh- that one is ever morphing and changing!). Being a servant to others. Discovering what makes my heart beat again. It's all "in process", and that's okay.
Love,
Amy Christine
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