I went out with my bestie, talked about her on here a lot, Tara Swanson. Pretty much, I get to dream when I'm with her. Hate not living in the same house anymore, but we make it a point to see each other at least once a week because we have a class together this semester. She's going to be a fabulous counselor when she's done with school because she's patient, understanding, and asks REALLY good questions. She's extremely insightful, and I believe that she has a gift of prophecy. She must get special insights from God. Just praying that what she says does come to pass some day ;) Anyway, tonight she asked me several really good questions. One of my favorite was when were talking about what life might look like if/when I move back to Indianapolis. I prefaced that with saying that since the stroke, I hold things a lot looser and more tentative, not wanting to say anything in an "affirmative" as if I'm banking on it. You learn to do that when you've almost died twice within 2 years. Things are still "well, I'd like this kind of job..." or "I'll be looking for this possibly". We're now thinking about some-sort of non-profit like the Ronald McDonald House... getting to be with aching families during crisis. I'm not afraid of strong emotions or grief... I've been there myself over and over, so I get it. I'm not afraid of the questions, because I've asked them myself, and somehow emerged with Hope without any of the medical answers to the whys.
Also, talked with my neurologist on Friday, and she said the best way to remove the possibility of another seizure in your life is to remove stresses from your life. Right. In a perfect world... I have 94 days until I walk at graduation, and 17 until COMPS (our comprehensive exam to finish the program at the Seminary). While my classmates are stressing to review 2+ years of information, I'm stressing to LEARN it. 3 years worth of information that I don't remember, and I get to learn it pretty much for the first time again. In 17 days. And staying on top of my daily assignments for these two classes that I have quizzes over each week. Right. Stress? right :) This is going to have to be Jesus. It's WAY bigger than me, and that's how I know that He's asking me to do it. It's way bigger than me alone. He asked me to go back and complete this degree, so He's going to have to equip me for the exam too. I met with my student adviser today, and she put some of my anxieties at ease after meeting and talking through my options. She said "Worst case scenario, you take it, fail, and have to take it again in the fall, but you'll be more prepared for it and know what to expect that time"
The Seminary approached me (Admissions) and asked if they could a sort-of documentary piece on my story of recovery for marketing. I was told I would never go back to school and was back within 6 months. My recovery and rehab are anything from typical or expected. I've defied all the odds, and it's all due to Jesus. I shouldn't still be here. I certainly shouldn't be about to finish my master's in counseling. They want some sort of piece on me sharing my story of being half-way through my degree, plagued with migraines for 8 years, and then having the stroke and now the seizure, and having no medical explanation for any of it. I'm a medical anomaly, and I've accepted that I'm probably not going to get any medical answers any time soon. I've had to overcome so many obstacles, and it's been an uphill battle just for everyday tasks to get basic decency and "normality" back... but to be about to finish this extremely intense program with a TBI... I realize it's been a huge fight, and just the masters aspect in and of itself is a big deal. I just need to tell myself that for the next 94 days. After completing school I think I want to write a book about my story of recovery and take some time to enjoy this beautiful state that I live in right now. I really haven't done that since I moved here in 2005. My housemates and I have started a "bucket-list" of things I want to do while I'm still here but before I move back to the midwest. It's going to be a bitter-sweet goodbye, but I need to be thinking about studying until I can really think about that. And here's to COMPS! I take the exam the 26th, and should know by mid-march if I passed or failed. Results to be announced on a blog near you in a few weeks;)
Love, Amy Christine
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