Pain

I don't know what it is to be pain free anymore. After my stroke, I went until October until I had another migraine, and thought that they were gone for good! I would have a headache, and could actually take Tylenol to make it go away, AND IT WORKED. That hasn't happened since before middle school. I've had constant daily headache's since high school and migraines since college. They started out as once every three or so months, then once a month, and then once a week, and then progressed into several a week. Right before the stroke I had once for 7 weeks. It was unbearable. I would take medicine just to get through class or time with clients, but it would come back at night inevitably. Right before the stroke, I went to my Neurologist who was also a DO on a Monday, and he did manipulation on my neck, and whatever he did made the headaches go away. He could have decapitated me for all I cared, I just wanted the pain to go away. I woke up on that Tuesday migraine free! I hadn't know pain free in so long that it felt foreign. Wednesday it came back, and Brianna (the mom of the family I was living with) said I was acting funny, almost inebriated when I don't drink. That was our first clue that something was off that day. Thinking back to that time makes me so sad. Why didn't we pick up on the signs sooner??

2/25/09 Changed my life forever, and maybe after my 2 year anniversary I can stop thinking about "It's been ____ since the stroke" 8 Days. It's been a year and a half that the headaches and migraines have been back. Pretty much daily, I'm in pain. Pain is my normal now. I hate that. It makes me so mad. Paul talks about "the thorn in His side" in 2 Corinthians, and apparently, this is mine. But it's not like I can just sit in bed all day... I wouldn't even know what "normal" feels like anymore. I've gotten so used to the pain and I HATE it.

I skyped with my friend Hilary (who also has had migraines) a few weeks ago and had a migraine, and had to explain to her that there are differing "levels" in a sense for me. There are 4 levels for me. Level 1 is my daily headache. I'm in pain, but a normal, every day headache. I can still go about what I need to do for graduate school. Level 2 is I need pain medicine to do what I'm going to do (that day was a level two). Level 3 is I need to lay down with ice packs in a dark, quiet room and take my medicine, and hopefully the sleep will take care of it. Sometimes, if I catch it in time, it works. Level 4, and I HATE THESE, is where I need to go to the ER. I haven't been since October. Still trying to pay off and maneuver some of those bills. I hope writing this doesn't jinx me and bring a big one on. This week has been hard. I've pretty much woken up every morning with a migraine, and that makes me so sad. I just want my head to be "normal". I may never be "normal", but I just want the pain to go away. I've been reading a book for my New Testament class online, and there was a quote yesterday over 2 Corinthians that really hit home. "God can often use [us] in [our] weaknesses, including illness and poverty, better than He can in other situations... because we remain more visibly dependent on Him" -Craig Blomberg I needed to be reminded of that yesterday. Thanks for continuing to follow along on my progress! :)
Love,
Amy Christine