Damn the stroke

I bawled today at our library. Correction: I bawled in a stahl in the bathroom in the library because I didn't want everyone to see me getting all worked up over something like this. I don't remember how to exegete passages of scripture anymore. "What would you need to do for that anyway?" you might be asking. It's the first class you take at Seminary, to learn the original language the passage was written in (Hebrew, Greek, and sometimes Aramaic), other uses of the word, the circumstances for the writing (what's going on contextually for these people that the author is addressing it to them now, in this way...), etc. I have a paper due in two weeks from yesterday, on: Paul’s world was a community- and group-oriented collection of cultures, much more so than in our individualized modern Western world. Whether for formal counseling settings or just for healthy Christian relationships, what can we learn from Paul about how mature Christians interact with each other, both encouraging and holding one another accountable?

So, although it won't be as intense as some of the other students who aren't doing it over the psychology of Paul (because I'm a counseling student), I still need to know the other uses of the words, the historical/cultural context of the word here, etc. So I looked at 2 Corinthians 5:11-15, where Paul is telling the Corinthians that Christ's love compels us. I started looking things up in the lexicons, dictionaries, etc. and that's when I had my meltdown. I can remember many people from my past now (watched home videos over break and made the comment to my mom about a birthday party- "wasn't that Lindley? Didn't she move away soon after that?" Awesome feeling!). I can remember circumstances and some of my feelings then. My handwriting and math came back to me, and God Bless my parents for dealing with me for months going.... "Uh, um, yeah, no idea..." or my handwriting literally looking like a little kid. If it had been in crayon, it would have been even better. My spelling came back and typing skills, with the help of spell check :) My affect came back, very slowly, and after I got off the anti-depressant I was very much back to my 'Old Self"- waterfalls at almost everything. But the one thing to not come back- how to do this essential task for this &#$@ paper. I hate swearing about Scripture, but I think God understands. Yes, I could have started when the professor said I should have, but then I probably would have failed comps... so...

I'm a ball of emotions today. Got to see great and encouraging friends today and their precious 7 month old. Love Kaylee Mae. Then I went to the Library and started in on this mess. I think I have enough resources to at least read tonight and maybe start a different paper (I'm actually CHOOSING my ethics paper over this IBS. That's how much I'm looking forward to it!). So if anyone wants to volunteer their time and re-teach me how to do that background study on 2 Corinthians 5:11-15, Galatians 5:13-15, or 1 Corinthians 12:12-31... I'm all ears for the next two weeks. This too shall pass. Hate having to use that in the context of Seminary, but I'm right now it's not helping me grow at all, I'm just becoming cynical. Never thought this day would come but it has, and I hate it. 53 days. I just need to pass.