Temptation is like Fly Fishing

I went to The Pearl Church today (like most Sunday's now- even the Sunday that I had the seizure and God made the service go long and a nurse and surgeon be there and it was supposed to be my "last day"... I continue to see that God knows a lot more than I do! You would think after 30 years I would get it by now!). Anywhoo... Today, as we were going through James 1:13-15, apparently James was using fishing language to give the illustration about temptation and testing. Testing usually comes in the middle of a process... which just makes me want to yell- WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TEST ME IN RIGHT NOW? The last few years have been far from a picnic and I could certainly say it's been a process, one that I'm apparently not catching on to very quickly. The tests can come in the forms of sensuality, worldly pleasures, or fear, and I would say mine right now are fear based.

What will happen in Indianapolis? What happens in 55 days (54 in the morning) when school is done? All the "what-ifs" are driving me CRAZY, but I am trusting that there is a plan. A plan for me not driving now and getting to have quality time with my community and get to ride the bus more often, which on any given day may or may not be something I am looking forward to, usually the later. Pastor Doug said something really profound today (well, he does most Sundays, but today this stayed with me). "Its the Adamic Nature within us that tries to tempt us to run from His Destiny" I'm not (nor have I ever been) a "There's only one perfect soul mate out there for you" kind of person, or a "There is only one certain task that you're here for" and I know that God could and would use me in a variety of different places for different people. After the stroke, I WANT to work with other stroke survivors. I've never had "normal" callings... working with junior high kids, The "inner city", a third-world country to combat the sex-slave trade, and now stroke survivors. All of them make me realize I didn't make this up. It's not "normal". I get that. But the fear of the "what-ifs" is not going to get me this time. I won't let it. I've come too far and fought too hard to get back my mind, what's still left of my health, my not-so-graceful self... most of it is back. Each day is a reliance on Him because I literally can't do it on my own. I don't think we were ever meant to do it as such. I think that's a lie Satan has warped and made us believe that we could. In the name of Jesus I call that lie out for what it is. There is no longer any power with it then when you call it out into the light.

I don't know what the next 6 months or so are going to hold. I certainly didn't see the last 2 and its events coming either. So I have my Comps retake, then 2 massive papers (which I'll be spending quality time in the library reading for ethics and my IBS for NT if you want to come visit me!), but I will not be ruled by the fear of the what-ifs. Then 2 final exams and then I walk at Graduation. What a glorious day. 2.5 years after the doctors said I would never achieve this... and then I get my degree. Take that. I know He has this. None of this caught Him by surprise. There is a plan, even if most days I can't see any logical connections. Thanks for still following along with my rants, even if on most days it doesn't make much sense. 55 wake-ups to go. In the words of Hilary "Shoo... I got this."
Love,
Amy Christine