Living in Colorado for the last 6 years and having SO MANY unexpected ups and downs... I can't help but looking back on my time out here and wishing that things were different somehow. I've made incredible friendships that are certain to last the test of time. I have been blessed beyond measure in so many areas that I never expected. I have a good church now. I have a masters degree after I was told I would never return to graduate school. I have been beyond blessed, and do not know why, and may never know. I spent time earlier this week with my friend Elizabeth out in Grand Junction (Western Slope of CO), and it's absolutely beautiful over there. Even though our lives look very different now, we have both gone though similar circumstances of loneliness. Maybe mine is best described as loneliness while surrounded by people. There have been people around me, but not people who wanted to walk with me through the stuff I was going through, almost making the circumstances themselves even more difficult to deal with. That's not a blame statement, it is just what it has been. As I prepare my heart to leave this gorgeous sunshine, mountain state, I leave behind the dreams I had that were never fulfilled either. Through living in Boulder especially, I really wanted the "I bike to work, my boyfriend and I jog mountains, we eat organically" lifestyle, but I leave after 6 years never having gotten into that. I could have, I just never had the money or the time. Other things always just remained more important to me, and that's where I invested my time, my energy, my money, etc. This isn't a "woe is me" entry, it is just a remembrance of the unanswered prayers that never came to fruition here. I wanted them, but I guess maybe not enough. I think God is leading me to move on from here to a pace of life where things haven't been quite as hard. Not that things won't be hard in Indy, and for sure the lack of sunshine and humidity will be an adjustment, but the new start and focus on community life and being closer to my family if I need them will be nice for my heart once again. I really wanted Colorado to be a better fit for me, as it has been for so many of my friends. One thing that I have learned in the last few years is that I can wish and long for things to be different but things as they ARE in the present and accepting them as such is powerful. I can not change how other people respond, but I can only handle how I respond to a situation. Freaking out or longing for things to be different is not going to do anything to change your circumstances.
I wanted things to be different in Colorado, both in Boulder and Denver. They both had heartache, for very different reasons. Things haven't been easy for me in my 30 years so far, but I haven't let that stop what God has planned for me or my life either. I always said that I wanted my life to speak for itself, I guess I just didn't understand what it was going to take to allow that to happen in me. So it is with a wise sadness that I write this, and a hope that even though things did not turn out like I had once pictured them in my head for this state at one time, and has it has for many of my friends in Colorado thus far. Hopefully moving to Indianapolis in several weeks will make things different, not that I am running from my problems, but rather getting a new start. I'm ready for the new lease on life, I think, at least I'm doing everything in my power in the here and now to prepare myself for the change of scenery.
Love,
Amy Christine
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