I'm just loving this season right now. My internship is great (so perfect for me in this time and place), school is challenging me in ways that I enjoy learning (minus statistics but I have a great tutor!), and having the time to simply have graduate school be my world- I'm just thankful. (Remind me of that when it will probably all come crashing down again!)
Things are just good right now. Even with all of the crap that keeps getting thrown at me (tonight- I can't log into Moodle to take a quiz I've been studying all afternoon for!), but even in the midst of all that, I'm able to see that He's got it all under control. Phew. Because down here... it's not always feeling like that, but I'm having to look past the feelings and really feel out (in new and different ways) what He's doing in different ways- ways that have never been comfortable to me and in ways I haven't had to interpret before. I was spending time in the Word last night and a verse was shown on a video I showed the women of my grief and loss group on Tuesday nights, so I thought I would flip there to see what it had to say. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
The words compassion and comfort just flew off the page and took my breath away. THAT'S WHY THIS HAPPENED!!! Honesty, I didn't really live like I needed the Lord daily before my stroke. In the last 18.5 months, I've needed him EVERYDAY. It was as if He needed to do something DRASTIC to wake me up from my complacency, get my attention, heal me dramatically, learn to lean on Him every day with every little decision, never have any medical reasons for anything- and I'm just a walking miracle. People who find out are just amazed, but it's all to His credit. I don't deserve to still be here, but for some reason unbeknown to me yet, I'm still here, stubborn as ever, learning a lot, and living with a good rear-view mirror in place to see what happened on 2/25/09 but forging ahead still the same. I still tear up when I think back- I have sooo many reminders every day, but that's not the point. He is here WITH ME. This is for a purpose. It will be redeemed. What I have had to go through personally will be used for His glory in time. I can't think of a greater accomplishment. That's all I've wanted. I may not know medically why 2/25/09 happened, but for it to be redeemed eventually, that makes it worth it. And I need to remember that when things turn around and get ugly again. But for now, I'm going to memorize that verse and make it my new life verse. At least He's given me an eternal glimpse of a WHY. And that's better than anything a doctor could have given me.
Love,
Amy Christine
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