So here's what I think I have about my future so far after May... since I've almost died twice in the last 23 months... I think I'm entitled to a summer of fun. Dad might try to argue with me about being responsible and applying for jobs as soon as I graduate, which I will, but I think I'm only going to wait tables a night or two a week (at a much less stressful place, if a restaurant like that even exists!) and ENJOY Colorado since I really haven't since I started graduate school in 2008. By the time I graduate from Seminary, I'll have been in for 3.5 years. I know people who have gotten their doctorates in that amount of time. More power to them. I'm only finishing this degree since I'm freaking stubborn and I was told that I wouldn't. Since the doctors said I would never even go back to school, I think I'm going to live it up graduation and life after. So summer of fun... now accepting ideas!
5k. My lovely friend Brooke and her fiance asked me at my birthday/New Years what have I always wanted to do but dragged my feet about doing and should just do already? a 5k was the first thing that came to mind. I'm feeling good about it right now, but haven't really started training yet. When I do, I know I'll be grumbling, which is why I've enlisted a few friends (a wonderful housemate and a few FB buddies) to do it with me. Once I commit to a race- we're currently thinking "Homerun for the homeless" with the Colorado Rockies, but their website has yet to be updated- I know I'll be more serious about it. We really have to start training after my COMPS test (at the end of February) so for now I can live in lala land and just focus on studying. I know it will be a lot more of a mental game than a physical one, but I'm really out of shape. Like really bad. I think the last time I actually worked out was when I was in the hospital almost 2 years ago. That's just pathetic and I'm ashamed to admit it. I need discipline, and a 5k is just the start of that.
I think I still want to use my degree somehow, but how... that answer has yet to come to me. It's not like "understanding people" won't come in handy in other fields, but I don't think the box I've typically thought of therapy contained in even exists anymore. I'm just not sure doing WHAT. I would LOVE to do something combining my love for hospitality, baking, and talking to people somehow. Serving other medical anomalies has also been on my heart. I called United Way 2-1-1 phone service this morning (a non-profit that we use a lot at my internship), and the customer service representative on the other end of the phone said "I've just searched all of the counties that we serve, and there are no agencies to help you pay for your medical bills" Really? Denver is freaking big. And NO ONE is out there doing this? At all? Need? Yes. So God might be nudging my heart to do some sort of non-profit work with other medical anomalies and look into Government grants and entrepreneurs who believe in our cases and want to help out somehow. ow, I don't know yet, but still in that dreaming phase.
Indianapolis. Not sure how this fits into the equation at all, but that feeling I got in the pit of my stomach over Christmas time was surreal and I want more of it in my life. There's just something about that city. My friend Hilary put it as "comfortably familiar". Very wise words Hil. Love you. So yes, the sun may not ever shine, its in the middle of corn fields, is almost 4 hours from my parents and sister, has the amazing the Indianapolis Colts, has great doctors that I can actually PICK, the humidity is unbearable both in the summer and winter, and some acquaintances are still there, so I won't have to start completely over. A wonderful friend's mother said I could stay with them until I figure out what part of the city I want to live in. For free. Marie, you're amazing. Thank you oh so much! The idea of getting back on my feet in a part of the city that is familiar... yes. So pretty much it's comfortably familiar, is much closer to my family, has the Colts, and I feel God nudging me there. I wish I had the reason why, but apparently I'm not going to get that answer. 'Continue to wait' is all I hear. I want to protest that I don't like to wait and that He should know that... but all I get is stubborn silence. Apparently He's really good at that too.
A book. I want to write a book (and I believe I've put those ideas on here before and my caring bridge would be an excellent place to start). I've written some of my favorite techs from the hospitals and close friends and family near to me when it all happened to see if they would want to partner with me to do some sort of writing project together. I have NO IDEA what that is to look like yet, but just feel that nudging. You would think after almost 15 years with the Lord I would get scared of the nudges, but it feels like almost all that I get right now, so I actually look forward to them because then I know He's with me and about to do something wacky. So yes, there might be medical debt hanging over my head and no idea where the money for anything really is going to come from, but just continuing to trust that He has a plan. Scary stuff, but I think it's going to be worth it. No idea what's ahead and trying not to make plans and just learn to say "I think He's leaning toward..." about what I'm feeling because it doesn't really make much sense. A lot of this thing called life doesn't and we really like our answers. I'm learning to be OK with the ambiguity even if that's not how I tend to operate. So the next 4 months are going to be intense, filled with lot's of reading, studying, doctors appointments, and looking for what might lay ahead. And those are my thoughts for tonight. Thanks for continuing to follow along almost 23 months later. The 25th will never be a "normal" day for me. Love you all very much!
Love, Amy Christine
No comments:
Post a Comment