Story at Church

I went to the church that I've been attending since the summer this morning, the Pearl in the Denver Tech Center, a church plant from Portland. There's a lot that the church does have, and things that it doesn't, but between the community I live in at the Downing House and attending Seminary, I get community and firm teaching at other places. I have just needed an authentic community of people who are going to love me and see me through the things that happen to me throughout my life right now in this season. Life's NOT easy right now, but having a community of people that are genuinely interested in what is going on for me and making my dreams a reality day by day has been very important currently. There have been some amazing "coincidences" that God has obviously put into place for me there at the Pearl. Last week Pastor Doug went long on his preaching, and if he hadn't, I probably would have had my seizure while driving, and therefore, probably unable to write this or still be alive.

For the last week, I've been pretty ticked off, and I feel like I have good reasons to be so. I have 5 more months of graduate school and had just gotten used to "this is what living with a TBI is going to mean for myself" and accepting my meager situation, and now I feel like I've been given a huge setback. I know that I have a lot to be grateful for right now, but that doesn't cancel out my anger for the crap that I have to deal with. I just want to be faithful with what I am dealing with. Today Pastor Doug was talking about Jesus is _____. He gave an illustration during his sermon, and I just cried through it. It was as if God used that illustration to wake me up from this pity party I've been in for the last week. He gave the illustration of someone who was selling their home, but vandals had come in it and ruined the beams and walls, and someone was ready to buy the home finally. The seller made promises to the buyer that he was going to fix X, Y, and Z before the buyer was going to take possession of the place. The buyer told the seller that those changes wouldn't be needed for him to take possession of the place after all--that he just wanted the site for the view and the land surrounding it, because he saw a bigger vision in the land the home was on. It was as though God was saying that to me. He doesn't want possession of my "land" because of something that the house has to offer, but wants me for the site, for the potential that the "site" has. The stroke and seizure have made "the home" worthless now, and that is something that Satan tells me daily, if not hourly. God doesn't want to take possession of my heart because of something I have to offer, but my potential and the worth of the site. I needed that today. A constant reminder since I've been a Christian is that I can do nothing to earn or deserve God's love. Today it was another reminder that there's nothing inherent within me that deserves God's love or plans, but He sees the potential within me for service and still has a plan for me... although Satan would love to discourage me in thinking that that's not true after all. I needed that analogy today. One thing that I'm learning in my faith right now is that God is big enough for me to be ticked at Him and still trust that there is a plan behind the chaos still. That's beautiful. I need a God that is that big. I needed that story today.
Love,
Amy Christine