I can't stop crying. For those of you who don't know already from FB or an email, I had a Grand Mal seizure (my first ever, unprovoked) on Sunday at Church. I had a nurse sitting behind me and a surgeon sitting across the aisle from me. The last 100 hours have been the worst I've probably ever had to go through. I'm back even deeper into what it feels like to be a medical anomaly, and no longer driving either. Just what I want to do- walk to the bus stop in the snow! Stupid things bring on the tears lately- today it was a super thoughtful note from my roommate.
I had just gotten used to "this is how life is going to be with a TBI now" and then Sunday happened. I guess I was at church, and during prayer I ended up falling forward and convulsing. Reading the account from the Nurse who was sitting behind me was like reading about someone else. I didn't feel anything and have no recollection of the actual event. Maureen (my internship director who also goes to my church) and two wonderful friends (Marc and Maura) came with me to the hospital. They are wonderful! I had JUST gotten used to living with just a TBI, and now it feels like I have several obstacles to overcome again, and with only one semester left of graduate school, that feels like a huge obstacle. Knowing the money that it's going to cost to go see all of the doctors (that I don't have!) and figure out what's wrong with my head and why these things are effecting me so early in life is very much taking a toll on my body and mind. If I was 75, maybe it would be understandable... but 30? Really? I just want to be done with my master's degree! For now, I'll keep writing down all of my silly medical questions, advocating for myself in the appointments, and continue trying to plug along! I don't really have another choice. So this is it. If my family were here, probably not much would be different and wouldn't change anything although I know they would like to be near me. Their proximity wouldn't change anything unfortunately. So right now I'm in the middle of yet another waiting game. Graduation in May... please Lord Jesus, come quickly. And those are my emotional and raw thoughts for today.
Love,
Amy Christine
I love you girlfriend. Maybe this is all from the time you hit your head in the kitchen at our appartment and fell down when I though you were praying?! LOL. Look on the lighter side of things and lean so far into your faith. With Christ you will overcome and even on the day he takes you home you will have victory! You are strong and you will finish your degree that you've worked so hard on. You day will come sister and we'll all be here to celebreate with you!
ReplyDeleteI love you, too. I'm so sorry this happened but nothing has escaped the Lord. This is only a surprise to you, not Him. Thanking Him for your safety at church with people to care for you. Don't give up, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry this isn't over yet, dear friend! You are amazingly strong and beautifully graceful. May you feel God's strength well up from within you, and may you be strengthened as the multitude of people who care about you support you in the coming days and months. I pray for encouragement and hope for your heart. . . and of course for some long-overdue answers. Love you!
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